the process of shedding skin to reveal new layers. Its what snakes do…

Why am i suddenly talking about what snakes do? Well A few days ago a dear friend  rang me up very concerned as to why i have suddenly gone underground and lost touch with the outside world. Got totally freaked out when i told her i”m molting.  Told me that i’m too young to do face peels and not to mess with my naturally good skin!!! Told me about all her friends who had messed up their looks with botox and chemical peels and how i should stay far far away from it.

So i laughed and explained that i was using the word metaporically here- an expression to explain the process of thinking, ruminating ,regurgitating and discarding the old to herald in the new. Shedding layer upon layer to bear my soul to the sun. Ha ha-put so philosophically she was totally impressed.

So everybody-especially those who have written in asking me where i am-please excuse my long absense from the blog. I am am very much around and Aal izz well,
 I havent dissapeared from the face of the earth-
i have been….er…molting

Do we have to like someone to love them? To be with them?
To plegde our lives to them?

“Like” is easy to explain-its the sum total of the characteristics a person posesses that one reacts positively and instinctively to- its a feel good factor. A reaction we have in our physical being…our  5 senses

But love… what is love then? Is it just a chemical combustible reaction we will never ever understand? Uninformed blindness? Is love then nothing but a repayment or our past karmic debts that we have no control over?

I’m not talking only about amorous love here. But something much wider and all encompassing.Do we really love or parents/spouse/ brother sister blah blah? Would we actually love them if they were not blood or societal impositions forced us to beleive that we love them regardless of how they make us feel or how they really are as people?

Why do we feel compelled to love them even after knowing and experiencing that they dont meet our expectations of the role they are supposed to define in our lives?
Is it wrong to have any expectations of any other human being at all?
How can it be called love if it brings out the worst in you? Why do we feel gui;ty about rejecting something we know is not intrinsically good for us?

They say we chose our friends but not our relatives… So is that just good or bad karma then? Like i can chose my friends but what do i  do about my…. Let me not go into any details here. My mother would get upset…ha ha ha

Maybe I’m having that time of the month-my mind is skewed by my hormones gone haywire. But still its worth a thought

Is it too pompous to say that those we love should be worthy of our love? Regardless of blood or societal impositions or just plain habit?

How can you love someone you intensely dislike?

Hamlet anyone?

OMG! will there ever be a day when my confusion ceases and clarity reigns…

I think not…for then i will die and all  art will cease.

For art is nothing but an abilty to give form to and merge the dichotomy of how an individual mind sees things differently from the way the rest of the world perceives it. Some people call it scizophrenia…me i just call it having a fun time

See for years i have struggled with my body image. Tried every diet, -the general motors diet, Atkins diet, Pineapple diet, Beverly hills diet, fit for life diet, peanut diet, hay diet. side to side diet-this one ah! The side to side diet was particularly effective for a while actually. Had been recommended to me by a friend-she said every time anyone offers you food or puts it temptingly in front of you, just turn your head from left to right three times(repeat action several times if required, till desired results are achieved) If all that head shaking still doesn’t work try saying the word NO aloud-scream it loudly if you have to -this my friend is the side to side diet.
It worked miraculously till I fell prey to temptation again. Damn! Gluttony is, like they say, one of the seven deadly sins…

Had punishing workouts, binged purged, binged again vomited-actually the vomiting was only once. The time I had two twelve inch pizzas and was so sick i thought my stomach would rip open if I didn’t let the contents out. So I did what i had read Princess Diana did to keep herself so slim-i stuck my finger into my throat repeatedly till my throat felt like lumpy sand paper. Did it again and again -& then faint with the effort crawled into my bed. Called up my sister in law who is a doctor as soon as the dizziness subsided & cried that i tried to puke my pizza out & why was it so difficult? “for Gods sake”-she yelled. “That’s a psychiatric condition darling-please don’t try it again”
Afraid of being labeled a psycho I never did. & the kilos kept piling on. Damn!

I looked at myself in the mirror year after year & saw-fat! fat! fat! This even during the days I made a lot of money as a model smiling into camera and walking into the sunset in high speed. If anyone complimented me on how great I looked I thought they were being kind or they were lying-or they simply wanted to get me into bed “dont beleive what the boys tell you -they only say it because they want sex!” Its what had been drilled into me… or had it? if it hadn’t been drilled into me where was it coming from?

Anyway the point of all this is, after my daughter was born & from the time she learnt to understand things I have made a very conscious effort to not dump my dubious hysterical body image doubts on her. Tried to instill good eating habits to the best of my ability. I assure her again and again that she is perfect-the way God meant her to be and more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. Try to make her understand that her heart and her mind and her thoughts and her loving nature are the most precious gifts she has, and what she will ultimately share with the world as she grows and tries to find her way. I no longer diet either -& my body weight has miraculously stabilized. I work out  only because it makes me feel great.

But still, she and her peer group are obsessed with weight and the way they look. Everyone is either too thin or too fat. I have her friends come home and say they wont eat cake because they will get fat. They watch prepubescent girls gyrating on TV and decide what to wear or not. Try to avoid having a glass of milk if they want to go out and play in that belly button showing frock. They are all under ten years of age for Gods sake! Am I to blame for this? That’s what all the mothers I know of little girls are asking themselves….we discuss it often… and have no answers. Will we ever be able to rise above our bodies?

I forced myself to attention as my daughter repeated the question “mamma-why is your bum so big? Really mamma -it’s like a car”

I led her by the hand & took her to stand in front of the mirror and told her gently but firmly
“I don’t think my bum is too big-certainly not like a car! It’s not the same shape and size like the other mamma’s bums you see. Or the ones you see on TV or in the magazines. But it’s my bum and it’s perfect for me-the way God meant it to be. And I am very happy with it ”

My daughter looked surprised, but then immediately rushed out of the house to tell her friends next door the great news. That her mamma’s bum is not too big and that it’s okay the way it is, and so they should stop saying that. I could hear them chatter excitedly in the corridor outside. Soon they had formed a little group and were engaged in an animated excited discussion. I couldn’t hear all of it but just as I thought it was all settled and was feeling pleased as punch that I had finally learnt to appreciate what I had-big bum and all- I heard my daughters friend say to her
” Kaveri never mind about your mamma. She’s all right. But I think Rhea’s mamma-Tanya auntie’s bum is too big. But we won’t tell her that okay. She’ll feel bad -na? So promise okay?-this time we’ll keep it a secret”

As a little girl, we fought a lot
I called her ugly names & what not
Though she hurt real bad & it made her kind of sad
She always listened patiently,
Hoping that I would one day learn
To see the world with empathy

Through the years, even as my resentment grew
She knew one day I’d see her point of view
From toys to boys, through the tears and the lies
and behavior that was particularly strange
She’d laugh it off, telling family and staff
It’s what rebellious children tend to do

I often saw her crying, seldom saw her grieving
Living with a sense of hope, always believing
Wiping my tears through all the names I called her
Quelling my fears, through the tricks fate played on her
I never sensed she was having a rough timE
Engrossed as I was, in the movie of my life

Now my time has come, to give her something back,
She’s a proud woman, says there’s nothing she lacks,
What she did for us, all mamma’s do for their own
She can put up her feet, now that we have grown
She wants to enjoy the pitter patter of tiny little feet
I know the time has come, for me to take her seat

My mamma she’s a good woman,
& mamma I’d like to thank you,
for all the things in life you couldn’t do.
for the woman you turned me into.
for all the love you put inside of me,
for gifting me my destiny
Mamma, today, I feel honoured to tell you
 I’m proud of walking in your shoes.

Laughed and laughed-Since the promos and posters give no indication of the laugh riot in store-i went with zero anticipation-except that I’m going to have an evening out. But the first scene itself set the tone for the film–where the British police are investigating a serial “curry killler” in Londons Southhall-who murders her victim by feeding him masala bhara indian food till his stomach rips open is hilarious.
And then the film galloped away and before you knew it it was over and we were exiting the theatres grinning away to glory

Shabana Azmi as usual is superb-everytime i see her on screen she seems to get better and better. Her intelligence and warmth sock you and suck you into whatever her character is going through. The other performances were lovely as well-Goldy Notay who plays her plump daughter who cant find herself a husband because of her weighty issues - looks strikingly similar to a young Gurinder Chadda and is a complete natural as is Sally Hawkins - her psychic friend.
Sendhil Ramamurthy is yummy… Ramamurthy is my mothers maiden name…somebody give me the hottie’s number please. I gotta investigate my family tree -:-)))))))))))

The main star of the film is ofcourse the writing–the screenplay and dialogue so crisp there was barely a moment or two when the film sags.

This is not a review-ofcourse not-but just a little note to say I had great fun watching “Its a wonderful afterlife” Havent had such  a blast  at the movies in the longest time

Have a great weekend

While the clerics statement was a pathetic viewpoint that didnt warrant a comment or reaction it got us talking about the larger issue.

 Its like hating/punishing/beating/ tormenting/burning a cigarette or alchohol or narcotic rather than conquering your own weakness and addiction towards it.Villify it, condemn it dunk it under the sea but if the craving is strong enough,  a smoker /drinker/drug adict will fall to the bottom of the earth to get his/her fix.
its not much different for mans carnal desire.

It is the ultimate enticement-a potent mind altering drug to the base mind

 Its what  a large part of sexual morality-(especially in more repressed cultures) is based on-
why women have been made to feel conscious and ashamed of something God gave us.

 Like stupid fools (please refer to my earlier blog what is the difference between being stupid and being a fool) we accepted the mans weakness as our shame-never once questioning the rationale behind this abhorent sad reality

Anyway then -i asked my friend why the male fascination with boobs? Since we women just have it -no effort required whatsoever-it never fails to amuse or astound us. His answer was simple-its because we men dont.

And then we talked some more and he asked me if there was nothing /no part of human anatomy that got women to react so strongly…

I thought about it. And thought about it again.While i cant speak for other women-i can vouch for myself and a few of my close girlfriends

We get turned on by the sight of a  baby’s bum!!!
yes you read it correctly.
Soft, fleshy, squeezable,quivering baby bottoms…it makes us long to  touch, pinch, kiss, pucker, caress and posess…ooooohhh!!

The sight of a baby’s bare bottom turns me to mush-no doubt about it. Makes me all warm and fuzzy

He was a bit zapped and immensely tickled.
So how does this funda work?
We talked about it some more…

And came to the conclusion that its a life force in itself…as primal as it gets.
Its the basic law of attraction-
what keeps the species alive, stops us from going extinct.

Men love boobs and
women love babies bums

Man loves boobs+woman loves babies bums===procreation +survival of the race

No shame in that…except that we women dont go around telling babies that they are vulgar or shameless because their bottoms are so cute and so they better cover up those soft enitcing mounds of flesh or…. or else the sky will fall down!

Did you ask the red rose
About the colour of her flower?
Or did you perhaps ask a lemon
What makes it taste so sour?

Did you ask the clouds
About the tears that they cry
Or how the dainty blue bird
learnt to spread its wings and fly?

Did you ask the angel above
How the fish learnt to swim?
Do you ever let your heart wonder
About the joy of little things?

Did you ask the setting sun
Where it rests when the day is through
the mountain how it stood so tall?
Or how the rainbow gets his hue?

Did you question the crab about his crawl
Or what makes the river flow?
or the glowworm that comes out at night
What makes the green grass grow?

Did you ask the leaping frog
About the warmth the summer brings?
Do you ever let your heart wonder
About the joy of little things.

Enjoy…

But the minute i think that , I’m all confused….
What is stupid and what is a fool? Oh my God! Am i getting my definitions all muddled up…?? What will the intelligentia think of me… no no….cant get it wrong….

So I look it up

The Oxford dictionary defines stupid and fool as

STUPID:- 1.lacking intelligence or common sense
2.dazed and unable to think clearly
3.(informal) used to express exasperation or boredom-eg your stupid paintings!!

FOOL: 1.a person who acts unwisely
2. trick or deceive
3. act in a joking or silly way

So I gather

Stupidity is just ignorance

Foolishness is the unwise act of letting your ignorance show

Stupid is plain dumb as in… duh! As in inability of the brain to comprehend

Foolish is not giving a damn and doing it anyway, unmindful of the consequenses

Why did kings and emperors employ and pay fools a lot of money to keep them entertained and happy?
So is it better to be foolish rather than stupid?

if stupidity is ignorance why the expression -ignorance is bliss? or the term Fools paradise?

Do you know any instance of people being paid and employed for being plain dumb …read stupid? -forget arranged marriages and the sex trade-that is not in discussion here
But then they earn a lot of money so is being stupid better than being foolish?
Is it better to be clever and rich ?or ? dumb honest and poor?
Who is deceiving whom? is it the stupid deceiving the foolish or vice versa?

Questions questions questions… Phew! Here’s one more
Do stupidity and foolishness go hand in hand?

Am I stupid for being so confused (read dumb)
or foolish for showing the world my confusion ?(read reckless)
Or is it the other way around?

Consider the following image…..

So…big shsh….mixed media on paper 18x 24

So is this foolish or is this stupid? But is it ok to be both stupid and foolish??
could stupid + foolish = clever?
like in maths two negatives make a positive…

Ha! I’m having so much fun…

Ohmygaaawd! Somebody help me!

She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman
and says, ‘Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?’

‘Reading a book,’ she replies, ( thinking , ‘Isn’t that obvious ? ‘)

‘You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,’ he informs her.

‘I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading’

‘Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.
I’ll have to take you in and write you up.’

‘For reading a book?,’ she replies ,

‘You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,’ he informs her again,

‘I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading’

‘Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.
I’ll have to take you in and write you up.’

‘If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault ,’ says the woman.

‘But I haven’t even touched you,’ says the game warden.

‘That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.’

‘Have a nice day ma’am,’ and he left.

MORAL : Never argue with a woman who reads. It’s likely she can also think.