the process of shedding skin to reveal new layers. Its what snakes do…

Why am i suddenly talking about what snakes do? Well A few days ago a dear friend  rang me up very concerned as to why i have suddenly gone underground and lost touch with the outside world. Got totally freaked out when i told her i”m molting.  Told me that i’m too young to do face peels and not to mess with my naturally good skin!!! Told me about all her friends who had messed up their looks with botox and chemical peels and how i should stay far far away from it.

So i laughed and explained that i was using the word metaporically here- an expression to explain the process of thinking, ruminating ,regurgitating and discarding the old to herald in the new. Shedding layer upon layer to bear my soul to the sun. Ha ha-put so philosophically she was totally impressed.

So everybody-especially those who have written in asking me where i am-please excuse my long absense from the blog. I am am very much around and Aal izz well,
 I havent dissapeared from the face of the earth-
i have been….er…molting

Enjoy…

But the minute i think that , I’m all confused….
What is stupid and what is a fool? Oh my God! Am i getting my definitions all muddled up…?? What will the intelligentia think of me… no no….cant get it wrong….

So I look it up

The Oxford dictionary defines stupid and fool as

STUPID:- 1.lacking intelligence or common sense
2.dazed and unable to think clearly
3.(informal) used to express exasperation or boredom-eg your stupid paintings!!

FOOL: 1.a person who acts unwisely
2. trick or deceive
3. act in a joking or silly way

So I gather

Stupidity is just ignorance

Foolishness is the unwise act of letting your ignorance show

Stupid is plain dumb as in… duh! As in inability of the brain to comprehend

Foolish is not giving a damn and doing it anyway, unmindful of the consequenses

Why did kings and emperors employ and pay fools a lot of money to keep them entertained and happy?
So is it better to be foolish rather than stupid?

if stupidity is ignorance why the expression -ignorance is bliss? or the term Fools paradise?

Do you know any instance of people being paid and employed for being plain dumb …read stupid? -forget arranged marriages and the sex trade-that is not in discussion here
But then they earn a lot of money so is being stupid better than being foolish?
Is it better to be clever and rich ?or ? dumb honest and poor?
Who is deceiving whom? is it the stupid deceiving the foolish or vice versa?

Questions questions questions… Phew! Here’s one more
Do stupidity and foolishness go hand in hand?

Am I stupid for being so confused (read dumb)
or foolish for showing the world my confusion ?(read reckless)
Or is it the other way around?

Consider the following image…..

So…big shsh….mixed media on paper 18x 24

So is this foolish or is this stupid? But is it ok to be both stupid and foolish??
could stupid + foolish = clever?
like in maths two negatives make a positive…

Ha! I’m having so much fun…

Ohmygaaawd! Somebody help me!

She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman
and says, ‘Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?’

‘Reading a book,’ she replies, ( thinking , ‘Isn’t that obvious ? ‘)

‘You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,’ he informs her.

‘I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading’

‘Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.
I’ll have to take you in and write you up.’

‘For reading a book?,’ she replies ,

‘You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,’ he informs her again,

‘I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading’

‘Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.
I’ll have to take you in and write you up.’

‘If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault ,’ says the woman.

‘But I haven’t even touched you,’ says the game warden.

‘That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.’

‘Have a nice day ma’am,’ and he left.

MORAL : Never argue with a woman who reads. It’s likely she can also think.

 See it was my first time in the place and i got confused between left and right. I took the left door into the mens loo instead of the right turn into the main lounge.Suddenly i found myself in the midst of streaming watery sounds and surprised but cocky masculine faces. Where was I? I froze- it took me a few good seconds before i realized i was in a mens loo! Eeeks! EEks EEks i started to shreik, trying to find the exit, spinning around incoherantly

Some of the peeing men smirked. Some laughed. Nobody looked emabarrased except me.

It just proved to me that men even when caught with their pants and their whatever in their hands  retain their confidence.. its conditioning… There was no hiding for cover because of my horrified shreiks or my loud embarasment.. All i saw  was smug smirks and some amused glances.
Only one guy had the decency to tell me that i had exited through  the wrong door even while he nonchallantly continued his task-the rest looked maha amused. I ran out

A few minutes later the man who had shown me the exit in the mens loo joined his group at a table close to mine. While i  tried to avert my eyes he laughed and asked me if I’m allright-raising his glass in a salute

I imagined the reverse-Imagine a man walking into a womens loo-It would have caused a furore.
 Most of the women would have cowered and complained to the management and what not. The man would have probably got beaten up or even landed in jail…

For a day on our television screens it may have even made breaking news “Pervert gets beaten up for breaking into a ladies toilet…”

Phew! thank god such things dont happen to us ladies.

Faalthoo (slang): 1.nonsensical 2.waste of time

Fund(a) or Funda (slang again): 1.theory 2.notion (derived or abbreviated from English word fundamental-I think)

Fund is an English word. It means Fund.

I am trying to pun on the word fund with funda (incase any of you didnt get it) I feel so empowered by my “Faalthoo fund/funda” plan i know nobody can stop me….well…hmmnnn…

See I’m feeling a bit intimidated. All these scientific theories on Intelligence, God, Quantum physics, Wave, polar molecular cellular whatever theories …its getting a bit too much for my little brain to comprehend.

Then the religious doctrines of dharma karma moksha vasistha blah blah

To top it all, I have these friends from the financial world who propound their own theories of God or Intelligence, through words such as equity, fixed returns, capital gains, debt fund, liquid funds, cash funds, long term investment point of view…

Phew! I’m feeling like a just overfed little baby that is crying because no one is picking her up to be burped. It’s giving me colic.

So, overwhelmed and bombarded with all this information and knowledge and, determined to act upon it, I have decided to create my own business model and in order to turn it into a profitable money making model I am hereby floating the “FAALTHOO FUND”
Since I have already explained the meaning of “faalthoo” “funda” etc I will not go into that again.

Please read the offer documents carefully before investing.

OBJECTIVE OF FUND:
To find God within ones own heart. God here may also be referred to as divine intelligence (Buddhi)

METHOD OF MEETING OBJECTIVE:
It is what we should ALL live by. God can be found by practicing the following

1Keep an open mind.
“The mind is like a parachute. It only functions when it is open” This is not my original line but by the author of the book “Creativity” (this is actually a disclaimer in case he decides to sue me after I get really rich from this fund)
So keep your mind forever open but remember you don’t HAVE to listen to all the stuff others feed you. This is where application of Buddhi(divine intelligence) is paramount.

2. Truth:
As long as you accept that your truth is yours alone and as long as you don’t impose it on others you’re cool. So live by your truth alone and pray that your sane enough to know the difference. (prayer here does not necessarily mean in a place of worship but could be understood as ”dialogue with the self”

3. Trust
Trust in the process of life. Trust that there is a divine plan in place for all of us. Like Confucious said “when rape is inevitable lie back and enjoy it” Your getting Sc*&^(*&- for a reason,-trust that you will never understand why, and actually in the divine larger plan there is nothing to understand, but just experience.

4. Surrender
Well if you trust you will surrender(Hmnn… actually I’m not so sure because that depends so much on ones socio economic/ political background, childhood experiences, parental guidance etc etc but why get into all that) So surrender to the as%^%*&%^ who is bugging the shits out of you. Bide your time, for it will come my friend!

5. Give..
Like give me all your money by investing in my “faalthoo fund” so I can get rich. Give and you will get back manifold!

6. Talk and act sweetly
At least in public. Then this pretence will become a habit and soon Lo and behold! you will be a nice and sweet person and you will find God! What this also means is don’t let any one on to the vile and puerile thoughts raging through your brain-your thoughts and actions can be separated,or the same, depending on your level of consciousness or application of Buddhi. If they cannot ofcourse you need to see your shrink and there is nothing I can do to help you

7. Be Humble
Even if you gasp in wonder everytime you look at the perfection and brilliance of yourself in the mirror as you perform your morning ablutions, confine that emotion to the inner sanctums of your home and bathroom. Remember –pride comes before a fall-so why take the risk. I believe it really pisses God off.

8. Be accepting
Be accepting that nobody can be as perfect as you are and if they don’t understand that self realization and god realization – ie I/Me/Myself/God etc etc are the same thing then they are poor sods.

9.Be Tolerant
be tolerant of the above mentioned poor sods.

10.Be fearless…
Remember there is nothing to fear except the inevitable so why bother. Also remember that fear is the worst fear so why fear when there is nothing to fear…Like a cockroach can be killed you know.Why be afraid of the ugly creature ..something like that…If your too afraid to do it yourself get someone else to..

11. Be Responsible
Take responsibility for your own actions and …remember when all else fails just blame it on God and…

I forgot the rest…hmmnnn….never mind…anyway…

GUARANTEED RETURN:
1.Peace of mind
2 Joy
3.great love/sex life
4.Emotional prosperity
5.Incredible ability to not give a damn anymore

CHAIRMANS NOTE:
Thank you for taking the time to read my proposal
As long as I am this confused I know I’m still alive..

Disclaimer:

Returns are based on single minded effort only and parameters are to be individually drawn.
Those who take my word, and only my word for it –without application of their own buddhi(again an Indian word which loosely translated into English means divine intelligence) will do so at their own risk.

Returns cannot be guaranteed & I cannot be held personally responsible for any fluctuations arising out of dissent, rise in fascism, religious propaganda, changing world view, global warming, failure of green peace movement, discovery of a new planet blah blah

I cannot guarantee the efficacy of my theories. Information is provided for analytical purposes only and those who take my word for it are very foolish and naïve indeed.

In case of any discrepancies please find your own pathway to heaven

(Since I am the sole proprietor of the “Faalthoo Fund” Chairman refers to me-I me myself moi god buddhi siddhi Suchitra whatever)

For further details and to download application forms online, log onto www.suchitra.com

To collect the forms in person please contact Nathuram, my building watchman.

See I’m writing my third book in the Swapnalok Society series. Its a ghost story and its spooking me out. I’ve become so edgy that i refuse to turn my lights off in the night, wake up at the smallest sounds, and scream at shadows. Everybody looks creepy to me, regular conversations with even the newspaper delivery boy or bania are played out with eerie background music in my head.I see their faces morphing condensing and evaporating right before my eyes. I smell smoke and incense sticks all around and duck under my covers…making every excuse to not return to my keyboard.

Which is why there have been less frequent blogs from me last coupla weeks.

Now see I’m a regular educated rational person-dont beleive in ghosts and the paranormal and all that stuff. I’ve dismissed off people who have told me ghost stories as whacko in the past… which is why my own imagination that is turning into such a bizarre heightened reality is giving me the chills.

I’m just writing fiction…a story.  I tell myself over and over again, even as I double lock the doors, draw my curtains shut. But ghosts can walk through doors right? So i duck under the covers again… only to wake up because I imagined someone breathing hard next to me!!

Will i be able to see this book through? Should i change the story line just so I dont see fangs on my dogs everytime I look at them or imagine that the silhouette of my rose plant in the dark is a monster from outer space?

Can any of this be really happening?

Tell me …do ghosts really exist?

Has anybody ever really seen a ghost?

Q: Why don’t you add an extra alphabet to your name? Make it Suchiitra or Suchitraa. That will add up to a number 9 and you may go to heaven. Not literally ofcourse (hee hee)), but materially and spiritually
(har har har! yuk yuk yuk! A la Phantom Mandrake Archie et all)

A: Because I don’t believe in all this.

Q: You don’t have to believe my dear . Look at Kavita-she became Kaveataaaa and Kiran became Kirrrooon on the recommendation of their numerologist/astrologer/palmist/psychic tarot card reader and it has really helped them. You don’t have to believe it-you just have to do it. I’m telling you it works. You will be rich beyond your imagination. See, Suchitra adds up to a number 8, which is Shani or Saturn. Your birth number is 9-incomaptible with 8 or Jupiter. So currently there are bound to be obstacles in your way of acquiring wealth and riches.

A: I’m not sure rich is what I want.

Q: Then what do you want?

A: I want to be happy

Q: But the only path to happiness is through wealth. Don’t you see? Wealth creates mental and spiritual health. Everything else be damned
(he he he, har har har, yuk yuk yuk-a la Phantom/ Mandrake/Archie et all)

A: No I don’t. See…because… not to pooh pooh what your saying or anything, but the only two times I tried it, the effects were disastrous. The first time-I added a K and made my name Suchitra. K for my music album Zindagi, it was a mega, thunderous, resounding flop. The biggest and only flop of my musical career. I still haven’t recovered from it. Inspite of the title track being composed by the word renowned international composer Lord Andrew Llyod Webber

Q: Maybe that was the problem. It wasn’t Indian enough and therefore spiritually lacking. You don’t need to go international-but tap into your own essence which is very Indian.

A: Hmnnn….the second time I changed my name configuration I added a Kapur to my passport. My personal life went up in flames within 3 months of that and I relocated from England to India. It was a really bad time.

Q: No No, that must have been something to do with the position of the planets at that time. You were actually ahead of your time .And besides the time to go international is now! Havent you heard how everybody is talking these days. Film Directors are wanting to go international, Corporate’s are going spiritual, and all the Indians are getting really rich. I’m telling you it’s a good time NOW. Add an extra I to your name….or…okay if you don’t want to do that at least paint your entrance green or blue. It will attract good fortune

A: I don’t much care for the colour green. And my entrance is already blue.

Q: Then paint your south west corner red and orange

A: My southwest corner is already red and orange. I painted it that colour myself a few months ago. How does that help?

Q: If your southwest corner is red and orange you will attract love and get a boyfriend. Don’t tell me you haven’t acquired a boyfriend? He should have come into your life within six weeks of painting your south west corner red and orange

A: I painted it red and orange because I had an idea in my head that those colours matched.

Q: No-I am sure you subconsciously did it to attract a boyfriend…Don’t tell me it’s not true. Why are you hiding things from me? I thought I was your friend!

A: Ofcourse you are my friend. But do you think there is no other ‘kaam dhanda’ in life other than attaching oneself to a man? I have better things to do with my time.

Q: Okay don’t get uptight. Relax. Do a havan. I know this pujari who is a kind of ghost buster. He removes all evil forces from your environment. It’s possible that your progress is being hampered by some lurking spirits who have an agenda different from yours. You need to eliminate them.

A: huh?

Q: Okay okay…I know you don’t believe in all this but I’m only trying to help. This ghostbuster by the way will also remove the dark circles around your eyes which is nothing but a dark energy in your life

A: My dark circles are inherited. My mother has them, and I quite like them actually. Makes me feel intense and intelligent

Q: That means a dark energy surrounds your mother too.

A: My grandmother had it too. It’s a family characteristic…I have no problems with it

Q: You may not have a problem with it but it’ obvious that it’s a negative energy surrounding your life. I suggest you get a fish task. That’s very good fengshui/vastu.
Atleast try it…

A: But I feel depressed when the fish die. I can’t deal with all that.Besides I’m vegetarian-dead fish are of no use to me.

Q: Okay forget that. But do one thing. Please promise me you wont say no. I recommend to you the kerela ayurvedic massage. It’s administered very close to your house too. I promise you it will open your third eye and your life will change. I’m going to give my friend a call just now and fix an appointment for you

A: But I don’t want my life to change…I’m quite allright as I …

Q: Oh just do it for a friend! You do consider me your friend don’t you? AND don’t forget to give me your feedback. And please don’t forget to blog about it. I want my name to come up everytime anyone types in ‘indian massage’ on the internet

You see I’m flying off to America next week to try and get a patent on it .

A: Huh?

Q: It’ called the “Third eye- opening ayurvedic massage-direct from India” I have a really good feeling about this…after all if they can patent haldi/turmeric and forms of yoga…at last this is more innovative…

A: Are you serious? But this massage is a centuries old tradition…

Q: Ofcourse I am serious. And just to be sure nothing hampers my progress I am adding the @ sign to my patent

“Third eye opening Ayurvedic Massage –direct from @ India”
Cool na?

A: But why the @?????

Q: Arrey-havent you heard about the Chinese baby they named @? He grabbed world headlines for weeks. You may say what’s in a name …because your abstemious…temperate and self denying…but I believe a name is everything. EVERYTHING! Do you understand? And I want to grab the bull by its horns. So I’m adding the @. After all we Indians are a more spiritual nation than the Chinese… so why should they be the ones getting rich…

(Hee Hee hee, har har har, yuk yuk yuk- a la Phantom/Mandrake/Archie et all)

A: Oh!…. I see… All right…WHATEVER….!!!!!

Q: And trust me…just add another I or A to your name… Look at all those fellas…Nigam became Niiigaaaam and that Shobha became Shoobbhhaaaa….and see how their fortunes changed. I’m telling you it’s not superstition. Its science! Pure and Simple. The science of the divine cosmos! Just a matter of time before we Indians prove it, and it moves from the realm of metaphysics to physics!!

A: Yeah… sure thing Quixotic…. Wwwhhhaateeevvvveeerrrrr!

(Phhhewwww!!!   Yaaaawwwn!…. Zzzzzzttttttt…)