Do we have to like someone to love them? To be with them?
To plegde our lives to them?

“Like” is easy to explain-its the sum total of the characteristics a person posesses that one reacts positively and instinctively to- its a feel good factor. A reaction we have in our physical being…our  5 senses

But love… what is love then? Is it just a chemical combustible reaction we will never ever understand? Uninformed blindness? Is love then nothing but a repayment or our past karmic debts that we have no control over?

I’m not talking only about amorous love here. But something much wider and all encompassing.Do we really love or parents/spouse/ brother sister blah blah? Would we actually love them if they were not blood or societal impositions forced us to beleive that we love them regardless of how they make us feel or how they really are as people?

Why do we feel compelled to love them even after knowing and experiencing that they dont meet our expectations of the role they are supposed to define in our lives?
Is it wrong to have any expectations of any other human being at all?
How can it be called love if it brings out the worst in you? Why do we feel gui;ty about rejecting something we know is not intrinsically good for us?

They say we chose our friends but not our relatives… So is that just good or bad karma then? Like i can chose my friends but what do i  do about my…. Let me not go into any details here. My mother would get upset…ha ha ha

Maybe I’m having that time of the month-my mind is skewed by my hormones gone haywire. But still its worth a thought

Is it too pompous to say that those we love should be worthy of our love? Regardless of blood or societal impositions or just plain habit?

How can you love someone you intensely dislike?

Hamlet anyone?

OMG! will there ever be a day when my confusion ceases and clarity reigns…

I think not…for then i will die and all  art will cease.

For art is nothing but an abilty to give form to and merge the dichotomy of how an individual mind sees things differently from the way the rest of the world perceives it. Some people call it scizophrenia…me i just call it having a fun time

See for years i have struggled with my body image. Tried every diet, -the general motors diet, Atkins diet, Pineapple diet, Beverly hills diet, fit for life diet, peanut diet, hay diet. side to side diet-this one ah! The side to side diet was particularly effective for a while actually. Had been recommended to me by a friend-she said every time anyone offers you food or puts it temptingly in front of you, just turn your head from left to right three times(repeat action several times if required, till desired results are achieved) If all that head shaking still doesn’t work try saying the word NO aloud-scream it loudly if you have to -this my friend is the side to side diet.
It worked miraculously till I fell prey to temptation again. Damn! Gluttony is, like they say, one of the seven deadly sins…

Had punishing workouts, binged purged, binged again vomited-actually the vomiting was only once. The time I had two twelve inch pizzas and was so sick i thought my stomach would rip open if I didn’t let the contents out. So I did what i had read Princess Diana did to keep herself so slim-i stuck my finger into my throat repeatedly till my throat felt like lumpy sand paper. Did it again and again -& then faint with the effort crawled into my bed. Called up my sister in law who is a doctor as soon as the dizziness subsided & cried that i tried to puke my pizza out & why was it so difficult? “for Gods sake”-she yelled. “That’s a psychiatric condition darling-please don’t try it again”
Afraid of being labeled a psycho I never did. & the kilos kept piling on. Damn!

I looked at myself in the mirror year after year & saw-fat! fat! fat! This even during the days I made a lot of money as a model smiling into camera and walking into the sunset in high speed. If anyone complimented me on how great I looked I thought they were being kind or they were lying-or they simply wanted to get me into bed “dont beleive what the boys tell you -they only say it because they want sex!” Its what had been drilled into me… or had it? if it hadn’t been drilled into me where was it coming from?

Anyway the point of all this is, after my daughter was born & from the time she learnt to understand things I have made a very conscious effort to not dump my dubious hysterical body image doubts on her. Tried to instill good eating habits to the best of my ability. I assure her again and again that she is perfect-the way God meant her to be and more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. Try to make her understand that her heart and her mind and her thoughts and her loving nature are the most precious gifts she has, and what she will ultimately share with the world as she grows and tries to find her way. I no longer diet either -& my body weight has miraculously stabilized. I work out  only because it makes me feel great.

But still, she and her peer group are obsessed with weight and the way they look. Everyone is either too thin or too fat. I have her friends come home and say they wont eat cake because they will get fat. They watch prepubescent girls gyrating on TV and decide what to wear or not. Try to avoid having a glass of milk if they want to go out and play in that belly button showing frock. They are all under ten years of age for Gods sake! Am I to blame for this? That’s what all the mothers I know of little girls are asking themselves….we discuss it often… and have no answers. Will we ever be able to rise above our bodies?

I forced myself to attention as my daughter repeated the question “mamma-why is your bum so big? Really mamma -it’s like a car”

I led her by the hand & took her to stand in front of the mirror and told her gently but firmly
“I don’t think my bum is too big-certainly not like a car! It’s not the same shape and size like the other mamma’s bums you see. Or the ones you see on TV or in the magazines. But it’s my bum and it’s perfect for me-the way God meant it to be. And I am very happy with it ”

My daughter looked surprised, but then immediately rushed out of the house to tell her friends next door the great news. That her mamma’s bum is not too big and that it’s okay the way it is, and so they should stop saying that. I could hear them chatter excitedly in the corridor outside. Soon they had formed a little group and were engaged in an animated excited discussion. I couldn’t hear all of it but just as I thought it was all settled and was feeling pleased as punch that I had finally learnt to appreciate what I had-big bum and all- I heard my daughters friend say to her
” Kaveri never mind about your mamma. She’s all right. But I think Rhea’s mamma-Tanya auntie’s bum is too big. But we won’t tell her that okay. She’ll feel bad -na? So promise okay?-this time we’ll keep it a secret”

Laughed and laughed-Since the promos and posters give no indication of the laugh riot in store-i went with zero anticipation-except that I’m going to have an evening out. But the first scene itself set the tone for the film–where the British police are investigating a serial “curry killler” in Londons Southhall-who murders her victim by feeding him masala bhara indian food till his stomach rips open is hilarious.
And then the film galloped away and before you knew it it was over and we were exiting the theatres grinning away to glory

Shabana Azmi as usual is superb-everytime i see her on screen she seems to get better and better. Her intelligence and warmth sock you and suck you into whatever her character is going through. The other performances were lovely as well-Goldy Notay who plays her plump daughter who cant find herself a husband because of her weighty issues - looks strikingly similar to a young Gurinder Chadda and is a complete natural as is Sally Hawkins - her psychic friend.
Sendhil Ramamurthy is yummy… Ramamurthy is my mothers maiden name…somebody give me the hottie’s number please. I gotta investigate my family tree -:-)))))))))))

The main star of the film is ofcourse the writing–the screenplay and dialogue so crisp there was barely a moment or two when the film sags.

This is not a review-ofcourse not-but just a little note to say I had great fun watching “Its a wonderful afterlife” Havent had such  a blast  at the movies in the longest time

Have a great weekend

While the clerics statement was a pathetic viewpoint that didnt warrant a comment or reaction it got us talking about the larger issue.

 Its like hating/punishing/beating/ tormenting/burning a cigarette or alchohol or narcotic rather than conquering your own weakness and addiction towards it.Villify it, condemn it dunk it under the sea but if the craving is strong enough,  a smoker /drinker/drug adict will fall to the bottom of the earth to get his/her fix.
its not much different for mans carnal desire.

It is the ultimate enticement-a potent mind altering drug to the base mind

 Its what  a large part of sexual morality-(especially in more repressed cultures) is based on-
why women have been made to feel conscious and ashamed of something God gave us.

 Like stupid fools (please refer to my earlier blog what is the difference between being stupid and being a fool) we accepted the mans weakness as our shame-never once questioning the rationale behind this abhorent sad reality

Anyway then -i asked my friend why the male fascination with boobs? Since we women just have it -no effort required whatsoever-it never fails to amuse or astound us. His answer was simple-its because we men dont.

And then we talked some more and he asked me if there was nothing /no part of human anatomy that got women to react so strongly…

I thought about it. And thought about it again.While i cant speak for other women-i can vouch for myself and a few of my close girlfriends

We get turned on by the sight of a  baby’s bum!!!
yes you read it correctly.
Soft, fleshy, squeezable,quivering baby bottoms…it makes us long to  touch, pinch, kiss, pucker, caress and posess…ooooohhh!!

The sight of a baby’s bare bottom turns me to mush-no doubt about it. Makes me all warm and fuzzy

He was a bit zapped and immensely tickled.
So how does this funda work?
We talked about it some more…

And came to the conclusion that its a life force in itself…as primal as it gets.
Its the basic law of attraction-
what keeps the species alive, stops us from going extinct.

Men love boobs and
women love babies bums

Man loves boobs+woman loves babies bums===procreation +survival of the race

No shame in that…except that we women dont go around telling babies that they are vulgar or shameless because their bottoms are so cute and so they better cover up those soft enitcing mounds of flesh or…. or else the sky will fall down!

I call him up for everything- from coughs and colds to frizzy hair!! to broken backs. Very often Kaveri will sneeze and demand to see Dr Agrawal-sometimes she just speaks with him on the phone and she is fine. Ditto for me.  He is never too busy and takes no complaint lightly. He works tirelessly round the clock not even pausing for a cup of tea or coffee. A true karmayogi. I asked him once what happens when he falls ill-who looks after him. He laughed it off saying that as long as he is looking after people he never falls ill. Its what keeps him happy and refreshed

Last evening was the wedding reception of his daughter Dr Raashi Agrawal -a bright young physiotherapist who is carrying on her fathers good work. She has healed many a torn ligament and knee injury in my family too, with the same affable goodness as her father

The sheer goodwill that Dr Agrawal holds in the community was apparent last evening. EVERYBODY showed up-everybody had an injection story or some such to share and smile about. After all there are generations that have grown up with his healing touch 

Inspite of the large number of people that were present, Dr Agrawal attended personally to each and every one of his guests-insisting we eat and make merry.

I told him the next time I call him it HAS to be for a cup of coffee or a meal- the good doctor needs some rest too.
Ofcourse I’ll have to fake an ailment to get him to make the time for that and have him visit

Though my web administrator-the dynamic Nirav Sanghavi prophesised it and created an account for me (suchitrak) even before people were asking whats twitter? Is it a bird? 
But  i went What? Such few words and me? no chance!!! That’s way too little - Besides why would i want to let the world know everytime i belched or the colour of my doggies poo? Is nothing sacred anymore?

Because thats exactly the kind of stuff happening on twitter. Ofcourse i have checked mainly the Indian celebrity tweets- because thats all i read about in the newspapers and their links are easy to find. 

Looks like twitter has eliminated the stars need for a PR machinery…now you hear tidbits right from the horses mouth. Earth shattering and life altering stories about stuff like what they had for dinner or the new colour of their upholstery or what they wore to a party.No need for the media to cross check or verify or confirm  any of this absolutely vital peice of information. It takes precedence over the earthquake in Haiti even

No more stars getting away with saying “I was misquoted” “I am going to sue the newspaper/channel”- for stuff that is actually invariably true-never mind for a twist of zesty masala here and there.

So the stars give out tidbits that are safe for the world to know. That distract. That reveal them as the good guys/girls just having fun on sleepless nights spreading boundless love and kisses and hugs.
Mmmmuah!!! over and over and all over again.

Yikes!

Come see my movie/watch my show/read my book/ etc etc being the underlying blah.

Or atleast please dont forget all about me till i make my next big announcement!! First hand to all my tweeples ofcourse.You are family! Please please. Pretty please. Love hugzzzz and many more muahs

This is true for most celebrity tweets except perhaps for  the likes of Shashi Tharoor who is actually talking about the good work he is going all over the world and create an awareness and platform to share.

I agree Communication and technology has changed our lives for ever. It has its blessings…it has made the world more equal and democratic than one could have ever dreamed of. Infact i have often referred to the internet as “universal consciousness”

But now it suddenly seems to me that the world around us is turning into a full reality show. Scary. Everybody is gorging from it and feeding the voyeuristic tendencies of everybody else.Nobody even knows the difference anymore. The world is a stage, and everybody an actor. Nothing is sacred. Every facet of one’s lives is for public consumption.
TRP’s,  Popularity publicity ke waaste sab kuch chalega.

I’m trying not to judge it. If its where the world is headed…who knows.

 But where do we draw the line?

Information is a mouseclick away, easiest thing to access. Everything we need to know is on the internet, Except discretion. And wisdom.

For that we still have to exercise  our minds and more importantly- our heart

When the founders of Laadli first mentioned it to me I refused. Because i had become a bit cynical about charity. Only because i found that in the past few years the mammoth efforts i had made towards collecting funds for the downtrodden( i have run three previous marathons for an NGO called Saathi) were being utilized to sponsor management picnics and travel camps and paying for management salary rather than going towards the desperately needy. Every time i asked for details on where the funds i had collected were being utilized i was given vague  answers and sent a profit and loss statement which told me nothing.

So when Laadli asked me if i was willing to lend my support to their cause i was sceptical. Even though its a cause i beleive i was born to be involved in I refused..

 But it didnt take long to convince me and so here I am-all ready to huff and puff through the streets of mumbai on the 17th of jan for Laadli

 Like every year i know it will be a melee. A crazy stampede but I am still looking foward to it…

Unlike the previous years where i have particiated in the marathon, i have not made any preparations at all this time around.. No begging my  generous friends for a donation. No personal trainer to jostle me out of bed at 5 am to run on the beach till i collapsed cramped and exhausted, no whey protein supplements to increase my muscle mass and stamina,no knee presses and back breaking exercises. No pressure of any kind.

So why am i blogging about it now? Because  all i want to say is that I am proud to be running for Laadli-an organization dedicated to the welfare and upliftment of the girl child. An institution that fights against female foeticide and tries to give every girlchild her rightful place in the world 

An organization that reitarates my faith about being the daughter and mother i am…

I am doing this for my laadli, my daughter Kaveri

www.laadli.org

Never mind that Chetan Bhagat dosent think so and that his name has been unmercifully and shamelessly marginalized in the credits. Slumdog Millionaire turned the unknown Vikas Swarup and his book Q and A into an overnight success-yes that screenplay was adapted too, as most films are. But atleast he didnt feel miffed. And the makers were gracious enough to grant him his peice of the pie
The humour in 3 idiots was too cerebral and high IQ to be from a hindi film mind(excuse my snobbery) so i have no doubts about Chetan Bhagats contribution even though i havent read the book. But Hello? (remember that film Chetan? Why werent you screaming from the rooftops about that being your story too? Tch Tch…Whats going on? Am just curious at the way the human mind and the ego works
 

But coming back to what i started writing this post about, I really beleive that the new year will herald a new start… and whatever the pitfalls I’m going to hold my hand across my chest and repeat the phrase over and over again. After all if our thoughts manifest our reality we might as well fill our heads with the most postive and uplifting ones…even if at times we know its a lie.

“bad hair day?”     All izz well
“sensex crashed today? All is well
“Insecure boyfriend getting on your nerves?” All izzz well
“You mean you didnt know your husband was cheating on you? IDIOT!” ALL IZZZ WELLL
“Maid didnt come today?”  ALLL is well
“Have no money in your bank?” all izzz well
“Lost your job?”  All izzzz well. Trust me
“He likes her more than me? But she’s a greedy whore!” All izzz well. The schmuck deserves her. I deserve way way better
“Too drunk to care?” All izzz well
“No I am not turning into my mother. F off!!”
ALLL IZZZ WELLL!!! dont panic. Things can be changed you know. Our destiny is in our hands

 See I’m a huge Raju Hirani fan. Wether its his ‘Gandhigiri’ or “Jaadu ki jhappi” and now his phrase “All izzz well” from the 3 idiots, hes a man with his heart in the right place. And everytime i see one of his films i get enthused and pious and determined till the next time when…

So all is well is what i told myself when i stood on the weighing scale this morning and i almost died of a panic attack. Having just returned from a debauched holiday it hadnt struck me that the devastating effects on my body mass would be so immediate and so agonizingly painful.

But since “All izzz welll”What is 6 kgs heavier in the larger scheme of things? It atleast gives me a resolution to make and adhere to.

For we must try and we must strive…give every hour and every day a purpose and meaning. Stay happy till its time to bid adieu. Remember Whatever good happens is entirely attributable to you.

Anything bad that happens in between is Karma-not your fault. Blame it on God
or curse the wise  that said…

“You are what your deep driving desire is.
As your desire, so is your will
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
                                          Brihadarayanka Upanishad

Amitji as Auro in my mind is the best performance by an actor ever from anywhere and any kind of cinema in the world that i have seen. And i do happen to watch a lot of films

Having recenly worked with Amitji in Rann I know him as an artist and  human being of exceptional talent and grace…but words fail me when i try to express my thoughts about his performance as Auro…it is beyond the loftiest praise…a new vocabulary would have to be invented. It is godly

I wasnt so keen on seeing the film from the promos i caught on TV. While it seemed interesting, i expected it to be an arty farty type of movie. If my daughter Kaveri hadnt shown such a keen interest in seeing the film i probably wouldnt have bothered…but she insisted so me and she, my mum and dad we all went. 
Having torn a muscle in my lower back last night from a freak fall, i was in excrutiating pain and was all prepared to settle my family in the theatre and return home to my hot water bags and pain releiving gels and tablets. But five minutes into the film I forgot about my pain completely as i lapped up every second of the movie. absorbed in the highs and lows of the films main protagonist

 Auro is warm, witty, naughty intelligent and endearing to the core. Every line, every breath, every smile, every movement of the eye and every action just so perfect. So poignant. My favourite being the one of him at the play station…I was so taken in by the charactor i forgot the actor…i laughed and cried with him and my heartbeats merged with Auro

While there were some glitches in the screenplay that made the movie just a notch below fantastic and a tad slow it is a minor gripe.

I have fallen in love with Auro…the mother in me wants to bring him home and hold him close and take care of him, the artist in me wants to touch Amitji’s feet.

I plan to catch another show of the film tomorrow, and then the day after and the day after if i can. Cant wait for the dvd to come out…so i can actually  bring Auro home and keep him safe

Shocking but whats new. Its why i dont read the newspapers or watch TV anymore…its just too depressing.Just too much bad news.  But i have to live in this world and keep abreast of whats going on and so i do occasionally and so i guess I have to understand that this is the real world… sadly

At first when I heard the complaints about people saying it was a case of discrimination against those from the north east-i dismissed it off, as another poilitically motivated speil. But then it got me thinking….

They are probably right. Because somewhere in our shameful subconscious collective thinking we are programmed to associate female north eastern looks with extreme sexuality…Not the inaccesible expensive foreign blonde and busty pole dancer, or the unattainable chaste indian goddess, but the kind that is cheaply available…the poor sex worker. Poverty stricken and helpless

Images of oriental looking women from red light districts from all over the country and world even…kamathipura in mumbai  kalighat in calcutta…that we have been bombarded with over decades

Or images of like the massage parlours of thailand, philipino maids …

On the other hand there has been no imagery or role models of a powerful male from these regions, capable of protecting their women. SO they are easy prey. Because most men only understand masculine strenght or power of their fellow male…

Now the culture in these north eastern regions is in itself more progressive…very often matriachal. And the girls  dress and act in a very modern way within their region and their homes. And that is what they carry to the larger cities outside of their states…not understanding the light in which they are being viewed or the narrow mindsets of the  perverts (like the 34 year old IITian in this case) who have no idea or exposure to a different land or culture or conduct code -and so assume  it to be a  warped sexual invitation from these girls.
Simple girls who are trying to study, make a life for themselves like anybody else

Remember the scene in Chak de India where the girl from the north east is teased in the restaurant…over and above everybody else?

Or the bizarre murder that occured outside the Gateway of India a few years ago in Mumbai…where a maniac slit the neck of two north eastern girls incensed by the way they were dressed and behaving? Now they were just girls out for a walk…what is the preconditioned  imagery or social programming that provoked this extreme violence?

Of the other incident in Delhi…where a north eastern female student  was surrounded and molested outside her college for almost an hour? Even more shameful in this case was that no one came forward to help her-they all stood by and watched the tamasha

Because yes…Delhi is a disgusting place for women. I remember some years ago, going alone for a walk at 5 pm on a winter evening in the posh Maharani Baug area. Inspite of warnings from my father in law to not go alone and to let a male servant accomapny me.  I laughed it off, thought he was being over protective. Till i was  followed and teased relentlessly by a few road side romeos for the entire duration of my walk and returned home afraid and disgusted.

Anybody ever read the book Princess? The true story of a saudi princess who told her story in exhile. I read it more than 10 years ago …but i remember the part where one man asks another to trade his wife for a camel…!!! and threatened to kill them all if his wishes were not met….

I remember arguing with a film maker friend of mine…he said women should just keep quiet and give sex. He didnt get my point when i told him women dont want to GIVE sex…they want to HAVE sex. Big difference.

Why do men behave and think  like this? What is it in their programming that makes them beleive that a girl or a woman is nothing but an object of lust or desire or entertainment? Nothing but flesh…to be devoured and consumed as they will. Why do men not get it that a girl has a choice in the matter? And most importantly why are men being allowed to get away with this?

What can we do as a society to prevent this from happening? WHat is our government going to do to change this mindset?

Education is obviously not the answer…this guy who commited this crime was an IItian…a PHD scholar… so what is it?

 Castration for the guilty? So even if good sense does not prevail fear of such extreme punishment will prevent such crimes from occuring in the future

Just hanging them is not enough…