Obedient wives club!

Posted by suchitra Category: My Thoughts

Read this disturbing and ridiculous  article in the Asian Age this morning-page 6

“Malay women start Obedient wives club, urging women to be whores in bed and obey their husbands to curb social ills like divorce and domestic violence’

Islamic group Global Ikhwan held the clubs inaugural meeting in Kuala Lampur, giving women tips on how to keep their men satisfied and prevent them from straying

‘A good wife is perceived to be prim and proper-you just take care of the children-but not much is emphasised on fulfilling sexual needs of the husband. If he needs sex obey him!! Rohaya Mohammad the clubs vice president said

‘You must satify your husband. a good wife should be a whore in bed-said the 46 year old doctor whose husband has three other wives!

over 1000 guests turned up for the event

It also states that the club is magnanimous enough to admit non muslim members

I couldnt beleive what i was reading-are we really living in 2011?

Bought back memories. I remember not so long ago a prominent mumbai socialite urging me to stay put in my marraige  and not rock the boat. I wasnt exactly asking for advise but she had insisted -as an elder and  a wellwisher. We were lunching at a fine south mumbai restaurant- her 5 inch crimson painted nails drumming gratingly on the desk as we waited to be seated

‘Your’e young your’e attractive -you have everything going for you-why have you become so careless about your appearance. Even your nails are not painted’ Madam Socialite  scolded even before we sat down

‘I’m an artist-cant have long nails. paint gets stuck in the crevices’

“Ok whatever’ she dismissed with another wave of her crimson talons

‘Artist singer What does it matter? Get real. You have to look perfectly turned out at all times-otherwise naturally a mans eyes will wander. Look at me -you think looking this way happens without effort?

She looked like she hadnt eaten in a year, and her face had the startled pinched lifted eyebrow expression that came form too much botox,  but i refrained from telling her that.

‘Suchitra-Stop being silly and put all this divorce nonsense out of your head- you are a FIRST CLASS WIFE!!! (huge emphasis on the phrase -smug smile in place)  and you deserve to be one for ever. Value yourself more and stop being childish’

Rather flattered by her concern and praise of my fine qualities lauding me as ‘first class’ inspite of the earlier rebuke on my unpainted nails and shabby appearance,  I asked her to elaborate, a tentative smile forming on my unsure lips. My morale was low-my confidence had taken a battering-any praise was welcome. Needed it real bad  “You really think i’m first class? ‘

“Ofcourse darling’ Madam socialite purred ‘ I care about you and thats why i insisted on meeting you for lunch today and why I am telling you all this. Look at the scandal your already causing with your radical rebellion…what are you going to acheive? You will be finished-completely finished. I told Renu the same thing but she went ahead and got a divorce and look at where she is now-finished. completely finished. Nobody even invites her to their parties anymore!

“I dont care about party invitations’

‘Oh ho-again your being childish. So forget party invitations. You think you will be able to afford First class airfares, private jets  and living in the finest hotels and spas around the world? You havent worked in ages -ever since your child was born-how on earth do you think you will be able to maintain your lifestyle. You wont even be able to afford airconditioning!

‘I married for love-not lifestyle-besides i am still very middle class. Cant sleep with the AC on-i didnt have one when i was growing up either’

‘Oh ho-again your being silly. Stop it Suchitra. You think all of us dont put up with all this? Look at how wonderful and glamourous your life is -you deserve to be  first class wife and stop being so emotional and sentimental and hot headed-you have no idea how difficult life can be. Listen to my advise-just ignore everything and be sweet and understanding. Men want sweetness, not someone who points out their flaws to them. -Just agree with everything for now and see how your life will turn around in no time’


‘No but…just listen to me. You are a first class wife and you will be stupid to give this all up.

OMG- so this is what she meant as ‘first class? ‘ Ouch! Startled and quite revolted by her definition i bid her a hasty goodbye.

That afternoon I asked my driver to head back home alone without me and i took a non airconditioned cab back (i hadnt sat in a cab or a rickshaw for over a decade) Soon i was sweating (it was summer) and choking on the traffic exhaust fumes  but focussed instead on the jhankaar beat cheap remixes blaring out of the cab stereo, the socialites definition of ‘First class wife’ swishing about in my head.

I gave the cabbie a handsome tip, grinning and holding back my tears at the same time. Today had been a revelation in many many ways-it was overwhelming. The cabbie refused the tip-i insisted

“Thanks for a lovely ride home ‘ i told him ‘ Your taxi is really first class-just like me 🙂

39 thoughts on “Obedient wives club!

  1. to be happy or unhappy depends on oneself
    only.and happiness is an elusive word.it does not
    lend itself to any easy definition.
    wealth cannot guarantee happiness.
    health to some extent can.
    Stealth does wonders!
    Take a look at all happy men.
    you will understand!

  2. “Stealth does wonders” What does wiseacrel1 mean by it? Does he mean that in order to keep the men happy the woman should be sweet all the time and should not point out his flaws.That means the woman should not be more intelligent than the man? “Stealth does wonders”Does he suggest that men should do everything stealthily and in order to keep him happy ,women should not point it out and put up with everything? wiseacral appears to be a seasoned and “HAPPYMAN” Does stealth applies to only men or women too?This fellow should have married some one who is not intelligent enough to do anything stealthily,someone loyal and absolutely straightforward.

  3. You know what , I read your blog and I must tell you I agree, but its the essential difference between man & woman. The reasons they get married and the reasons we, do are ,different. Essentially in a marriage men are happy only when things go exactly their way. Its a very rare intelligent man who can be very accomadative. Most men who adjust also ultmitately have their way only. They feel there is only one way in life and that is theirs. Education, open mind, seeing others point of view or being able to understand situations is not their focus. Men have only one philosophy. Things are either right or wrong. In that they are very different from women…. Thier traditionalism and conservative outlook is more steeped than what a woman in the present day feels. They still think in a conservative way, when it comes to their family. In society they project an outward coool, sab kuch chalega attitude. We r just ok with everything…. :). All are just Tarzans at heart… Thats y one must look at the situation only with humor because even the coming generations nothing much will change. Evolution is only for women….. :). Hope you agree with me. Your blog is really very interesting and thought provoking….

  4. wiseacre-your comment that stealth does wonders has hit the spot on the head.
    while is it clever and accurate its also disaturbing
    you are perhaps male
    so let me ask you-stealth does wonders for whom?
    is the woman supposed to continue to play dumb and turn a blind eye just so she can keep the relationship going?
    God gave us brains wiseacre -to be used. we do not need to survive by pleasing men- we have enough skills outside of that

  5. Very well written. Obediient wives club!! LOL
    But ultimately its a matter of choice and life is a matter of compromise and give and take
    Once there are children involved it becomes very difficult for the woman and so she tries her best to adjust especially for the
    sake of the children. I don’t see anything wrong with that –
    And BTW first class wife is a very real phenomena – we see it all around us . Look at some of our page 3 celebs-its written all over their face

  6. And ridhi I agree with you totally when you say evolution is for the woman only.
    Men want to be and are tarzans only lol

  7. Very well written Suchitra.Your style of writing ,expressed in a beautiful and effective manner is to be appreciated.I object to the term ‘whores’ used in the articleBut I also agree with the motive of the club.Very sensitive and Absolutely correct.the social ills like divorce and wife battering etc.can be curbed to some extent.Man and woman are totally different species.Once children are born, the mother lives only for her children. She may not be demonstrating her love outwardly but a motheralways and constantly wishes the welfare of her children If not for anything else, atleast for the sake of the children.Single parent’s children always feel insecure and develop psychological problems.You can develop your talents and interests with the support and co operation of your life partner.I don’t suggest that you should be submissive and obedient all the time.Assert yourself when it is necessary.I totally agree with with Nisha.when she says that we need not survive pleasing men We have enough skills ant talents to come up in life.If you do it with the support and guidance you will be more successful.Wish you all the best, Suchitra. God Bless you

  8. I am amused by the several reactions to my
    repartee to suchitra’s vapourings on an islamic
    club women’s pedantic advice to fellow women!
    Islam permits four wives at one time to one man.
    Not one of them minds the husband’s sleeping with
    any of the other three! the erring nonmuslim must
    embrace islam and manage to keep only four wives
    at any time! He becomes a saint at once!
    Standards of conduct should not be laid by people
    who are not innocent themselves.
    To every erring man there is always an erring woman!
    Learn to be compassionate and tolerant.Be responsible
    only for your own conduct.Let the sinners stink in their
    own shits!
    ‘Stealth’ was used to describe the playboy husbands who
    go undetected!

  9. The entire response was intended in fun
    and not aimed to cause umbrge to any
    human,male or female!
    sorry madam wiseacre is a sexless wonder!

  10. I think both are extremes in a relationship…..
    (1)being subservient to others (like you said behaving like whores in bed even if you are not in the mood)
    (2)putting your own needs and interests ahead of other

  11. These can be to termed as

    (1) Marital rape.
    (2) Marital cruelty(not responding to love/sexual interests/advances of the partner when marriage is taken as some contract).

    Doesnt the ignored have right then to seek them out of marriage………I mean its a grey case and needs wisdom to decide whats right and whats wrong…

  12. People around us all over the world, majority of them, have an awareness of what is happening around us everywhere. But how many of us have the gift of presenting it so beautifully and interestingly.You will make a very good film maker, Suchitra.Keep it up. All the Best. God Bless you.

  13. Presenting beautifully is an art but there should be some essense. Whats the point if its beautiful only superficially with no inner core/substance……..

  14. You would be surprised as to the reaction i got from my malay colleagues when i asked them what their views on the article were the day it appeared in our local newspaper. Keep in mind that almost 95 percent of the employees in my establishment are Malay women and i hail from the land of the so called ‘obedient wives’. Not one person disagreed with the article! Can you imagine? Not even one! Especially the part on it being the fault of the wife if the husband were to beat her.

  15. yash you are really are a wanker
    ofcourse the pathology of lying and why is your mamma so big are originally from intentblog-we used to all follow that blog that had other distinguished writers like deepak chopra etc

    copyright? if you have any brains you will see that those were written on intentblog by suchitra herself
    as far as i know that blog ie intent blogshut down 2 or 3 years ago

  16. Hi Suchitra,
    I admire you since your “Babu Bhole Bhale” days. When I say this I actually mean it… Currently I am in research and teaching profession. A ‘responsibility” I always cherished and enjoying thoroughly. I am truly touched by your charitable cause and your determination after the hardship you went through in your life…
    The reason for writing this message to you is not to analyze your writing but with a ‘sense of purpose’. The purpose is to ask you “Is it possible for you to establish a foundation that will provide poor kids for education and toward developing creative science?” Alternatively if you provide little support and make them accountable to do encouraging outreach for science. God always blesses you and continues to bring happiness to you and daughter. I always like you since the day I learned to ‘dream’. Your selfless deeds are appreciated. Many students come to my labs who have proven ‘determination can get them far. A ‘foundational’ help from a real person like you will get them fulfill their dream.

  17. let them be so . whats the harm in being a obedient wife. dont make them maria susairaj who is described by her friends as “wilful, ambitious, sexually manipulative, and ultimately a figure of tragedy”.

  18. just searched the word- Ambitious in thesaurus. Got this

    Definition: having a desire to achieve a particular goal

    Causes: confidence, passion, pride, a desire to achieve something one didn’t have as a child, fear of failure, a need to prove one’s self to others, ambitious parents, competition with a peer or sibling

    Characters in Literature: Dr. Frankenstein, Edmond Dantes (The Count of Monte Cristo), Laura Ingalls **note: Does anyone else find the kidlit world short on ambitious characters? Why is it so hard to find ambitious teens and children in our books?

    Positives: Ambitious people are hard-working and determined. They don’t give up easily. They often are visionaries who can see amazing futures while others only see roadblocks. Ambition requires great focus and single-mindedness that enables most people with this trait to succeed at their goals.

    Negatives: Those with ambition run the risk of putting their goals above everything else, including the people or priorities in life that should come first. They are so focused on their goals that they see anything short of success as failure. Many are perfectionists with unrealistic expectations for themselves or others. When ethics and ‘success’ clash, achieving the goal often wins out.

    Common Portrayals: CEOs, activists working toward a goal that will improve some aspect of society, musicians/actors/artists, teens striving for popularity, students, stage moms, athletic coaches

    Cliches to Avoid: the slave-driving boss with unrealistic demands and no concern for those in his employ, teen girls clawing their way up the popularity ladder, the high-strung student going to extreme measures to get into a certain college, the ambitious character who flings ethics aside to achieve his goal only to turn his back on success when he realizes what’s really important in life

    Twists on the traditional ambitious character:

    * Many main characters are ambitious, and their stories focus on the pressure they exert on themselves and others. But what about a ‘normal’ main character with an ambitious sister or teacher or grandmother? External pressure makes for a very different story.
    * Instead of using the usual roles (CEO, rock star), put your ambitious character in a position that makes it harder to achieve success (blue-collar worker, homeless teen, mental patient).
    * Think outside the stereotypical boxes. Female CEOs, male fashion designers, children and teens who change the world

    Conflicting characteristics to make your ambitious character unique or more interesting:
    sensitive, shy, apologetic, fearful, insecure, lazy, impulsive

  19. Hi suchitra,
    I ‘m prakash from bangalore . I have been always a fan of you from the moment i saw you on that song DOLE DOLE chasing that glasses clad man. At that time i might be in class 7th or 8th and you were my dreamgirl. I always heard that song on the you tube, thinking that you might be enjoying your life somewhere by living lavish life cause god has bestowed you with Best face i have ever seen.
    But after reading the post from you , i came to know a different aspect of you . Don’t stop your blogging, the way you use your emotions to ridicule the life is something to be craved for.
    If you reply me than , that reply will be something for me to keep forever.
    We all know that life is lesson , we all learn it when we are through.
    Prakash Singh

  20. I found something more on ambitious person (the demon Kamsa)from none other than the story of lord krishna as said by srila prabhuapada at the following link


    “Never put your trust in a diplomat or in a woman.” Those who are addicted to unrestricted sense gratification can never be truthful, nor can they be trusted with any faith.

  21. especially this part which is on the first page. The above is on the second page.

    “This action of Kamsa is not very difficult to understand. There are many instances in the history of the world of persons in the royal order who have killed father, brother, or a whole family and friends for the satisfaction of their ambitions. There is nothing astonishing about this, for “the demoniac can kill anyone for their nefarious ambitions” .”

  22. Yes they are right. Otherwise I wouldnt have married so many wives if and only if rukhmini had understood me /intimate to me. She was emotionally closed as ahe was devoted to religious rituals . I am not surprised that you are expressing amazement because you have played the role of rukhmini in a teleserial as you were in a past life. Alas you dont remember your past life as well as me .

    I have pity n compassion for my ignorant devoteee

  23. I mean she had diverted all her sexual energy to something else. She was just there . I was embarassed to tell others. Others misunderstood me that I had multiple wives/affairs. No one understood my sexual/emotional needs . I had only given myself unconditionally to all gopis . But the world misunderstands me I enjoyed .

  24. This suggests your attitude . If you are not a loyal and obedient wife someday you will be discovered . if the other person, husband,is a don like Ashwini Naik you know what happened to Nita Naik. Softer and diplomatic persons such as Mr Kapoor find other ways to pay back your karmic debt or recover the taxes(i meant loyalty ) you tried to evade but yet at the same time controlling the joint kitty to enjoy status and luxuries.

    You need to learn to be ethical and balanced and enter relationships for no hidden purposes of sustaining yourself or making identity like finding role in some big film as a heroin or possessing the other person . Only then you will find loyalty and committment

  25. you need to release your controlling and manipulative behaviours and become less demanding . only then there will be less turbulence in your family life

  26. especially challenge your suspicions before trying to prove your suspicions by trying to find favourable evidence i.e being selective …more accepting towards evidence which confirm your suspicion where as ignoring or rejecting evidence which challenge them . This is called confounding bias.., bias which involves error in interpretation

  27. dont be a gandhari who ignored and was happy with the atrocities committed by her sons on pandus and started cursing when she faced destruction of her family. Had she put some saneness and stopped her illicit sons and illicit behaviour as well as avoided the error of interpreting behaviour she wouldnt have been a tragic figure

  28. Make no mistake about it- if someone of the opposite sex is calling/sms’ng you at weird and crazy times in the night its probably a booty call. A communication initiated with the sole purpose of wanting sex. “”If thats what you want too -go for it-why not, its a free world and morality can be a crippling partypooper for the fun loving adventure seeker/bargain hunter””

    Above shows you encourage illicit behaviour when it does not affect you . Can you say the same to a person who shares intimate relation to you/husband calling a friend of yours . You will cry and curse both…..

  29. i just liked this

    “Ashwin had ensured a slow and painful death for her for treachery and adultery. She battled for 26 hours and succumbed at around 3.45 pm,”said a close relative.

  30. We absolutely love your blog and find nearly all of your post’s to be just what I’m looking for. Does one offer guest writers to write content in your case? I wouldn’t mind creating a post or elaborating on a few of the subjects you write concerning here. Again, awesome blog!

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