Floating the Falthoo Fund(a)

Loosely translated into English the following Indian words mean…

Faalthoo (slang): 1.nonsensical 2.waste of time

Fund(a) or Funda (slang again): 1.theory 2.notion (derived or abbreviated from English word fundamental-I think)

Fund is an English word. It means Fund.

I am trying to pun on the word fund with funda (incase any of you didnt get it) I feel so empowered by my “Faalthoo fund/funda” plan i know nobody can stop me….well…hmmnnn…

See I’m feeling a bit intimidated. All these scientific theories on Intelligence, God, Quantum physics, Wave, polar molecular cellular whatever theories …its getting a bit too much for my little brain to comprehend.

Then the religious doctrines of dharma karma moksha vasistha blah blah

To top it all, I have these friends from the financial world who propound their own theories of God or Intelligence, through words such as equity, fixed returns, capital gains, debt fund, liquid funds, cash funds, long term investment point of view…

Phew! I’m feeling like a just overfed little baby that is crying because no one is picking her up to be burped. It’s giving me colic.

So, overwhelmed and bombarded with all this information and knowledge and, determined to act upon it, I have decided to create my own business model and in order to turn it into a profitable money making model I am hereby floating the “FAALTHOO FUND”
Since I have already explained the meaning of “faalthoo” “funda” etc I will not go into that again.

Please read the offer documents carefully before investing.

OBJECTIVE OF FUND:
To find God within ones own heart. God here may also be referred to as divine intelligence (Buddhi)

METHOD OF MEETING OBJECTIVE:
It is what we should ALL live by. God can be found by practicing the following

1Keep an open mind.
“The mind is like a parachute. It only functions when it is open” This is not my original line but by the author of the book “Creativity” (this is actually a disclaimer in case he decides to sue me after I get really rich from this fund)
So keep your mind forever open but remember you don’t HAVE to listen to all the stuff others feed you. This is where application of Buddhi(divine intelligence) is paramount.

2. Truth:
As long as you accept that your truth is yours alone and as long as you don’t impose it on others you’re cool. So live by your truth alone and pray that your sane enough to know the difference. (prayer here does not necessarily mean in a place of worship but could be understood as ”dialogue with the self”

3. Trust
Trust in the process of life. Trust that there is a divine plan in place for all of us. Like Confucious said “when rape is inevitable lie back and enjoy it” Your getting Sc*&^(*&- for a reason,-trust that you will never understand why, and actually in the divine larger plan there is nothing to understand, but just experience.

4. Surrender
Well if you trust you will surrender(Hmnn… actually I’m not so sure because that depends so much on ones socio economic/ political background, childhood experiences, parental guidance etc etc but why get into all that) So surrender to the as%^%*&%^ who is bugging the shits out of you. Bide your time, for it will come my friend!

5. Give..
Like give me all your money by investing in my “faalthoo fund” so I can get rich. Give and you will get back manifold!

6. Talk and act sweetly
At least in public. Then this pretence will become a habit and soon Lo and behold! you will be a nice and sweet person and you will find God! What this also means is don’t let any one on to the vile and puerile thoughts raging through your brain-your thoughts and actions can be separated,or the same, depending on your level of consciousness or application of Buddhi. If they cannot ofcourse you need to see your shrink and there is nothing I can do to help you

7. Be Humble
Even if you gasp in wonder everytime you look at the perfection and brilliance of yourself in the mirror as you perform your morning ablutions, confine that emotion to the inner sanctums of your home and bathroom. Remember –pride comes before a fall-so why take the risk. I believe it really pisses God off.

8. Be accepting
Be accepting that nobody can be as perfect as you are and if they don’t understand that self realization and god realization – ie I/Me/Myself/God etc etc are the same thing then they are poor sods.

9.Be Tolerant
be tolerant of the above mentioned poor sods.

10.Be fearless…
Remember there is nothing to fear except the inevitable so why bother. Also remember that fear is the worst fear so why fear when there is nothing to fear…Like a cockroach can be killed you know.Why be afraid of the ugly creature ..something like that…If your too afraid to do it yourself get someone else to..

11. Be Responsible
Take responsibility for your own actions and …remember when all else fails just blame it on God and…

I forgot the rest…hmmnnn….never mind…anyway…

GUARANTEED RETURN:
1.Peace of mind
2 Joy
3.great love/sex life
4.Emotional prosperity
5.Incredible ability to not give a damn anymore

CHAIRMANS NOTE:
Thank you for taking the time to read my proposal
As long as I am this confused I know I’m still alive..

Disclaimer:

Returns are based on single minded effort only and parameters are to be individually drawn.
Those who take my word, and only my word for it –without application of their own buddhi(again an Indian word which loosely translated into English means divine intelligence) will do so at their own risk.

Returns cannot be guaranteed & I cannot be held personally responsible for any fluctuations arising out of dissent, rise in fascism, religious propaganda, changing world view, global warming, failure of green peace movement, discovery of a new planet blah blah

I cannot guarantee the efficacy of my theories. Information is provided for analytical purposes only and those who take my word for it are very foolish and naïve indeed.

In case of any discrepancies please find your own pathway to heaven

(Since I am the sole proprietor of the “Faalthoo Fund” Chairman refers to me-I me myself moi god buddhi siddhi Suchitra whatever)

For further details and to download application forms online, log onto www.suchitra.com

To collect the forms in person please contact Nathuram, my building watchman.

8 thoughts on “Floating the Falthoo Fund(a)”

  1. Hello Suchitra, I am Prabodh, a HR manager by profession and a budding artist. I am a great fan of yours since Kabhi haa Kabhi naa days and love your singing and paintings. Well, I do paintings myself and I am keen to exhibit them. But the problem is I do it by using digital graphics on the computer. My friends, relatives and well wishers often tell me that I should go canvas, but somehow I cant. Hence, I need your help and advice. I would really love if you look at my work and give your suggestion. I would not at all mind if you paint my art on canvas and take all the credit…hehe. I just want to see my art lifesize…thats my dream. Would love to hear from you on my email address … thats prabodh_aries@yahoo.com. I wont mind sending you my art samples through email. Have a rocking day and a wonderful life..God Bless!! TC !!

    Warm Regards,

    Prabodh.

  2. Ha ha..he he he…

    It is really funny…
    It was really nice to get some humour in this afternoon…
    Thanks..
    Keep posting.
    Ketan

  3. Pingback: prabodh
  4. Hi Suchits,
    Gasp! I used to watch your panoramic melodies in the mid 90’s and I am right now sporting a big grin at the above lullabies which are now my music!! Gulp!! How time has passed. I came here after reading [gulp! gulp!!] about some references to you in what I think is a wikipedia link to the casting couch!! I really pray that none of your pride got ransacked [or sacked!!] for I have the perfect image of you embossed in my [open and functioning] mind and will continue to do so till six feet under and beyond [and yes I was a proud voice of science and reason till my family less nights in a congested and desi USA area gave me some chilling premonitions and visions in the form of a black cloud!!]. Here is wishing to your chill and chili sauce and heart and viagral health and consequently the ditto ditto ditto and ditto disease of your fifteen year old lurker!!

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