Suchitra Krishnamoorthi

This is a very personal blog. But i have to say it as i think and feel it because I am like that only.

 

If it was not for the fact that Shekhar Kapur was  a judge on the new show that launched this weekend  on colours channel and the fact that  a fellow gymmer had not asked me if he is my husband when i heard his interview last morning on the radio when i was pounding on the treadmill it would not have been bought to my attention. I dont watch television at all.

“Ex husband” i told my fellow gymmer with a polite smile as i upped  my speed to an 8.5 and increased my laborious  slow jog to a canter. “We are divorced” i said tersely

“But i have seen him around here often..especially around the swimming pool” my fellow gymmer said looking a bit puzzled:”He dosent live here? oh i thought…” 

I ignored him and increased my canter to a run. I have recently moved to a new apartment of my own with Kaveri-my 8 year old -that has a pool and a gym in the complex
“He comes over to spend time with his daughter” i said through jagged breath as i increased my speed to a 9 on the treadmill and my canter became a frantic  run .I ignored my fellow gymmer during the rest of my exercise regimen. Though i am naturally a very social person I hate nosey parkers. He got the message and i could finish my workout in silence

Then kaveri’s friend saw the ad in the paper  annoucing the new show “India’s got talent” on colours-front page of Bombay times-  and called her to tell her that her daddy is on a show on TV saturday night. 

So Kaveri got excited . She decided that she wants to spend her night with her daddy as he is in town-because he is rarely in town and they can watch the show together. I agreed happily. I am maidless(i fired my maid 4 days ago after i discovered her trying to leave my home on a two hour leave with two suitcases full of loot from my home right from Pashmina shawls to prada overcoats to crystal to gold, to utensils bedsheets, upholstery and what not. Just as a warning if any of you have someone called Surekha Wadkar knocking on your door looking for employment-BEWARE. She is a theif-i subsequently found out that she had seduced both my drivers and both of them wanted to marry her-they thought she was such a sweet honest girl! One of my drivers was preparing to leave his wife and poor kids for this maid and has gone into a speechless shock since the revelation of her true nature-especially because he didnt know that the other driver was thinking exactly the same! Last few days both of them have  been  telling me I am a devi for discovering the truth!!

I like that! i so like that )

Anyway the reason i am writing this blog is not to tell you about my domestic woes or the fact that i am flattered that my drivers think i am a devi or that the last 2 days i have been in and out of Oshiwara Police station, but, because after so many years and all the water that flowed under the bridge-when i saw the show “India’s got talent”i knew i was reconnecting with the Shekhar Kapur i met and fell i love with as a 19 year old college student so many many years ago.

The man i couldnt wait to talk to over the phone(this was in the days before mobile phones when i used to call him from the public phone in college or wait till my parents were asleep to use the home phone. ). The man i longed to meet  hold and touch. The man i loved with my whole heart and soul and  subsequently married a couple of  years down the line.Even though he begged me to understand that marraige was not the answer to love-warned me that marraige would destroy the freedom that two artistic souls yearn for. I was too young and too conservative in thought to understand. I never even thought of myself as an artist. Though he already knew. I told him that I am a good girl from a good family-if he didnt want marraige I would never see him again. He told me he didnt want to lose me. And so we married.
The man who gave me the most beautiful gift in the world-my daughter Kaveri.
The man who over the years  became a stranger to me as i became a stranger to him.The man who hurt me as much as i apparently hurt him-it takes two hands to clap after all.  Our shastra’s have an apt word for it “its called Grahasti ” Its the trap of the household.

Our destinies were intertwined.  Though different. We didnt know it then. Or maybe  Shekhar knew it even then-he even warned me. But he understood the fact that home and hearth is what i wanted and i would not have it any other way. And so we married and subsequently we divorced. In both instances he respected my point of view completely-when it was marraige i wanted its what he gave me. When it was divorce i wanted-he gave me that too

Its been two years now and I have put my past life behind me. Hardly ever think about it unless forced to or provoked

And this time i am provoked. By what i saw on televison On “India’s got talent” that night.  Provoked and moved by the honesty, the warmth, the sensitivity and the sense of humour that i had lost touch with. Forgotten all about. The kindness and humaneness of the man i once loved more than anything in the world.. I cried when Shekhar cried, and laughed when he did. The tears in his eyes when he saw the 7 or 8 year old handicapped girl and asked her to keep dancing made me weep. His barks and mews made me laugh till my stomach ached

 I knew the old Shekhar was back-the same man who gave the world Masoom and Mr India and Bandit Queen and Elizabeth. The man i met and loved as a young college girl and knew in one glance that he was my destiny

The man that i beleive i lost to the devil in the subsequent cource of my marraige-the devil that has many names and faces. Its not just one person or thing or the other

I called Shekhar up in excitement after i watched the show and said “How sad that its too late for us, but I’m so glad to finally have you back-the way my heart always told me  you are. I gave up on my marraige-but i never gave up on you”

Sometimes reality comes to us in the form of entertainment.
Is that sad or is it true?

This entry was posted on Monday, June 29th, 2009 at 9:03 pm and is filed under My Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.