Double Standards galore…

Yup one more scandal- I’ve been ignoring it the last few days but now I cant help reacting so i have to blog about it. Because a friend who is an ex neighbour of the supposed rapist has been calling me up & filling me in on all the gup.I’m talking about the Shiney Ahuja scandal. Actor rapes maid and lands in jail.

So here’s the story. Man /Actor rapes maid when wife and kid are out of town…Gross! but  whats so new. Its not the first time something so disgusting has happened and i doubt it will be the last. In the far east maids asking for extra headache money, over and above their salary is a common phenomena. What is headache money some of you may ask? Its the money for sexual services provided when the wife has a headache! Or is out of town…

So coming back to the actor rapes maid scandal -Shiney says it was consensual-thats another story as old as the hills too -maybe its even true. If it was consensual why did the maid go to the cops? She obviously felt violated or betrayed in some way which made her take this extreme stand-had he promised her some money or a loan perhaps and did he not live up to his promise? Whatever the truth-if Shiney is innocent my heart goes out to the man. He should be given a fair chance

If he is not innocent, he deserves the most severe punishment for it. Its time society at large took a stand to protect women who are out there working their butts off to feed their families and earn a living-they should be allowed to be free of humiliating sexual attention and overtures. Unless its consensual and there is no monetary or proffessional gain involved

What is also interesting and at the same time commonplace  is the stand of Anu-Shineys wife. My heart felt condolences for a woman and a mother to have to bear the brunt of a scandal so demeaning. Its commendable that she has decided to stand by her man publically…again whats new. Women in love are known to think with their hearts and not their heads. I also think that in love there are no rights or wrongs-everybody must do whatever they think appropriate to save and nurture their relationships or themselves. I know women who have put up with tremendous violence and infidelty and still found a way to find love at the end of the darkened tunnel. Whatever tags society gave these wives or whatever reasons like greed or insecurity they were accused of for giving in to their husbands indiscretions, they put up with it with a dignity and resilience, their focus remaining solely on nurturing and raising their children.  

Greed and insecurity or whatever one wants to call it is as valid a reason to stay on in a relationship as love or anything else-because love means different things to different people. Ultimately its a choice-and wagging tongues and society should never impose on individual choice. Especially when they are at their most vulnerable

The most interesting in this whole thing is what i read in the mid day today-Pooja Bedi’s advice to Shineys wife Anu. Pooja advices Anu to not make hasty decisions and cites the example of Aditya Panscholi raping her 15 year old maid 20 years ago. It was a scandal that had hit the headlines too and has stayed in people’s minds.In that instance Pooja says she made the choice to dump Aditya right there and then because she cannot and will not tolerate an unfaithful man. She adds that infidelty for her is a no no and so after that incident she decided to not be with a man who was unfaithful to her.

I would like to raise a point here-why did Pooja forget to mention that 20 years ago when Aditya Panscholi was her ‘beau’ he was already a married man-married to a lovely lady named Zarina Wahab? For Pooja infidelty towards herself was unacceptable . Was it  because Aditya raped a maid who she considered of a different social strata and therefore demeaning to her?- Because she seems to have had no problem with Aditya  being unfaithful to his wife then…What kind of warped mentality and double standard is this? Dosent infidelty apply on all grounds to all parties concerned? Interesting to note that aditya’s marraige to Zarina has survived. No maid or sexy actress could break it up

Did Pooja have to go and call Adnan Sami’s wife insane when she caught her reclining on her couch with her husbands head on her lap? As a woman who has been through the trauma of a broken marraige did Pooja not understand the pain the wife was going through?

I have been called mentally unstable too, when i decided to take a stance on my marraige and speak up and stand up for myself. I know the cunning and malice such accusations hail from and the double standards of women and men who hurl them. Abetted by their partners in crime no doubt- ie the cheating spouse

In that instance too, during the Adnan Sami scandal, celebrities were tripping over themselves giving the wife advice.In Anu Ahuja’s case it is no different.

Me says leave the poor woman alone. Love /marraige is between two people -they alone have the right to decide if its going to last or its time for it to end.

Its a painful time for the Ahuja’s and while i wish that truth prevails I also wish the Ahuja family peace and happiness.

And yes peace and healing to the maid too. In all this hullaballoo lets not forget who the real victim here is-till proved otherwise

40 thoughts on “Double Standards galore…”

  1. Newspapers are ticklish! There was a mention in TOI that a high police official
    claimed that Shiney has confessed to the heinous crime! Next day Shiney claims
    innocence,as per the same newspaper.The incident appears to have occured at noon
    and the complaint is made in late evening.A bone test shows that the girl’s age is less
    than 18!There are injuries in the private parts to establish lack pf consent! Are there
    scratches or marks of physical injuries on shiney also to show that the maid resisted?
    if she was gagged,there were brief moments when she could have screamed or flung
    things around damaging the interior of the room so that the neighbourhood is alerted!
    how did she leave the apartment after the heinous crime without creating a hullabelloo
    or crying and running away? were there no people around when she departed?
    Why are there no injury marks on her except for the private parts?
    I am not condoning the man.but his guilt must be correctly established.conjecture is
    no evidence .The girl’s previous history must also be probed.
    If the girl was a virgin, the injury marks around the private parts would be natural
    even if the union was consenual.
    There must be other medical tests possible to determine the veracity in the accusation.
    Newspapers should not take up sides without proper grounds just to embarass an individual
    simply because he is rich.The wife seems to believe in her husband’s innocence.
    This can’t be brushed aside as she is the one to be most affected if indeed it was a rape.
    Not merely financially but mentally as well.
    In case there has been rape,the punishment must be the harshest.
    Because a poor helpless girl has been violated.
    In case it is blackmail.the law should come down on her and on others who have
    egged her on when there was no rape!
    Let us wait and watch how the scenario evolves.
    Sympathies for Mrs Ahuja whose grief is understandable!

  2. Even if the sex was consensual why was a married man with his wife and child on holiday indulging in it?

    His wife sounds very innocent and very foolish to beleive that her husband has done no wrong.

    But its exactly why men like this marry women like this-so that they can have the cake and eat it too. If not for this scandal the wife would have probably gone through life thinking that her husband is a good and honest man

    peace be to all

  3. HI Suchitra, HATS OFF TO U for such powerful post, it raises many questions abt today”s highly urbanised society.keep writing pls on such issues.

    its my humble request to u pls be regular here, i alwasy check here for any new post whenever gets logged in in my pc.

    regards
    Manish.

  4. The whole thing is disgusting. SHiney has lways seemed like a very shady guy-havent many of his co stars had a problem with him?

    Its good that the media today is so poweful that these things are coming out in the open. These things have been happening forever but was always buried. Now perverts cant escape unscahed and thats a good thing

  5. I think everyone should keep their cool and wait till the accused is proven guilty and if he is then its for the wife to decide whether she will stay or leave…people interfering is nothing but an added pain in the neck.

  6. Its not just an issue with Shiney here …. there are hundred thousand men who do the same thing but fail being punished in the eyes of the law … as many a times the victims just dont have the courage to bring out the truth or r just scared of their life !!

    I would like to appreciate Shiney for having taken ownership of this disgusting act of his and I wish he pays the price for it TOO…

    Its toatlly up2 his wife to standby him or not as that is too personal for us to give her an advice as it would be a toatal misguidance from our stand point ….no one can be judged by a mistake !! yes mistakes happen n we r humans just that his misatake is a lil too big for a normal forgiveness ,does not mean she will nt have a heart to forgive him…. also note that she has a child behind her …. ppl make the mistake to take hasty decissions and ignoring how it makes the child feel…. its always the children who take the hit of such decissions they end up loosing out the love of one parent …..

    Yes Shiney deserves to be punished for his act and also forgiven as he has a family behind him who needs his presence and support …..

    Men must change their attitude towards women in India or we must change the defenation of Marriage to best suit their disgusting needs ….. Men are @#$%^$&

  7. Suha

    I so agree with you. Bottom line is that men are (&^)(^)& and should learn to treat women with more respect and understand that the laws of the jungle are not valid in todays world. Even if it takes a scandal of this magnitude to make it happen

  8. Have you also noticed that men are the first ones to admit that they are bastards? As if the admission is a sanction and license to continue with their disgusting behaviour. How convenient.
    Also noticed how men stand up for each other? Like we admit that we are bastards and we are lie tat only. If you cant understand its too bad. Disgusting.
    Unlike women who are constantly fighting each other accusing each other of being mentally unstable or insane or whatever. Like they say a woman is a womans worst enemy.

    Jail is too mild a sentence for rape.

    Thank you Suchitra for bringing such an important discussion out into the open

  9. Also what you have bought up about the Pooja Bedi Aditya Panscholi affair. Its interesting that men never mess around with women who are attached to a man. They are afraid of messing with another mans territory for fear of having their ^%(^% cut off.

    Women have no such fears because they consider the woman they are betraying to be helpless and incapable of retalliation. They are just intereted in remaining in the mans favour-for personal or proffesional reasons.

    Whatever stance you took in your own marraige is commendable. If only more women had the guts like you. Nobody beleived you were unstable for even a day… everyone understood that it was a publicity stunt to divert attention from the real issue, as in the case of Pooja and Adnan. There is a divine intelligence at play in the world and even the common man/woman has the sense to see what is true and what is not.

  10. Yeah Nisha !! its true how decisions taken by specify individuals do not apply to all in the same situation !! We are nt so sure if all the women in these kinda situations will think n feel the same !!

    Like likes n dislikes differ opinions n decisions also differ …. n ya men always like to play around with weaker women if u notice in all these kinda cases its the maid or the lil sis or may be sme frnd of his wife he wants to hit upon…. men always feel they can get away with anythin n evertin they do … n its the women who alwys loose out to them !! there is never a news abt a man gettin rapped or beaten up by women !!

    Its a leasson for all the men out there who think they can just !@#$ around n get away !! Shiney u shine in a bad way 😉

  11. The discussion is taking a queer turn,for attacking men as rogues.
    For every man who slips there is a woman!if men rape,women entice
    and seduce!
    KEEP THE DISCUSSION CONFINED TO THISSINGULAR INCIDENT!
    to-day’s paper says no injuries were found except in the private parts
    of the maid!If it were a rape she would have resisted screamed,scratched
    and hit him with all her might and some marks should be there on the man.
    THe absence indicates consent.The police know this well.
    That’s why the bone test to see if she is a minor!
    Evidently somebody wants to milk the cow.
    The girl has been forced to lodge the complaint and the Police are also
    trying to do whatever they can.If the maid were not a minor,the case will fail
    as consent is obvious.
    THE MAN WILL GO SCOT FREE.
    But he will part with sizeable sum of money.
    All will be forgotten!

  12. my dearest Suchitra,
    thank you posting your comments and rantings on your blog for me to read and analyse with the same zealous interest you have shown in my life.
    I’d like to make something very clear on the same blog where you have attacked me and hope that you have the guts to KEEP my post and NOT delete it.
    At the time that i was dating Aditya i was all of 18 years old. Not that it’s an excuse but we have all been 18 and know how vulnerable we are emotionally at that age, especially if someone professes undying love, cries about how he was tricked into marriage and especially when his wife encourages you to go out with him… which to me, spoke of how little she cared for the sanctity of her marriage . It was not a covert hidden adulterous relationship. It was bold, open and honest. i had rationalised that People make mistakes, marry the wrong people and everyone has the right to change their reality. Clearly i made a mistake, learnt from it the hard way and moved on. And Infidelity is not something i choose to live with. If his wife, Zarina, chose to not make infidelity an issue then that’s her choosing and something she’s been willing to live with over the years for reasons best known to her. As we are all aware, ever since, Aditya has reportedly had numerous liasons over the years which have been extensively covered by the media.
    your classist remarks about strata being an issue in infidelity are shocking. Trust you to even think of class strata when it comes to infidelity. I choose to view infidelity for what it is… INFIDELITY. And as for your uncharitable comments regarding Adnan Sami, i’d like to remind you that he’s been my friend for over 10 years. and to me FRIENDS are FRIENDS. and when they are VICIMISED i stand by and support them in their moments of crisis. There is no class or gender bias for me in friendship or infidelity. I do understand as a woman who’s marriage has recently broke up that you are still smarting from the hurt and pain of rejection and feel it your “CAUSE” to stick up for all married women and that all “MEN” are shit and women who are not WIVES become your pet hate targets. Calm down!!!. and remember… i’ve known you for many many years. and have considered you a dear friend. i personally feel you should have called me and asked for details on what exactly happened between Adnan’s wife and me if there was in any ambiguity on the same. That’s generally what friends do. but you’d rather make your own assumptions based on YOUR trauma, discard a friend, trash her on your blog and side with a “WIFE” simply because she holds the tag. Women are not always the victims by virtue of gender. Wives are equally capable of misusing laws, adultery, and manipulations. I’m sorry you’ve suffered emotionally in your married life.. but that’s no reason to take it out on other people. And to blog about things, and be judgemental without information that you could easily access, is highly irresponsible on your part. your blog should come an intelligent mind and heart. Not sound like a loud fart. cheers. POOJA BEDI

  13. Dearest Pooja

    I’m sorry if i hurt you but there is nothing personal about it. My blogs are general observations about what i observe in the world around me and how I express my reality and my truth. I do not ask my friends to clarify statements they have made as public figures in newspapers and television because I assume they are doing it from a place of responsibilty and speaking their truth. At the same time I do feel i have the right to speak it as i see it

    Ofcourse i see your point of view but in this case I’m afraid i will stick to mine. I cannot promise that there will be no more loud farts…I’ve been holding back the gases for too long and its exploding out of me. Cheers

  14. Hi Suchitra,

    I too have been following with horror the fall of Shiney primarily because he is a brilliant actor and one of the few actors I was an avid fan of(not any more though, if he ever makes movies in future, ill never admit in public i watched them). though the matter is subjudice, it is quite clear that force was used. being a lawyer myself, I am painfully aware of the end result of this frenzy media since it is much too easy to circumvent the statute.

    What surprises me however is Anupama’s reaction, which is where I do not agree with you. Though she may love her husband, she being his wife would be well aware of what he is in reality. Being a mother of a daughter herself she should have not gone public with support until there is evidence.

    I love my husband too, but I have taken a stand against his infidelity and chosen to end my marriage. Even though you love a person to bits, you cannot under any circumstances accept/tolerate/support his indiscretions. A marriage is chosing a person over al lothers in exclusions, that is what separates us, humans from street dogs who mate in public and walk away. I am aware that it is an individual choice, but that kind of loving brings nothing but self destruction, and while we we wait for the light at the end of the tunnel, by the time it comes(if it ever does), we realise that our soul has been penetrated with a lot of darkness.

  15. i do not wish to be judgemental, but this is something i strongly feel about. If we as modern educated women do not take a stand today, our daughers and their daughters will be caught in the same trap

  16. Me thinks none of us should really discuss and talk abt it or judge a person as victim or the harasser! The Media Madness is on a rampage…Its enough to give people the stories but for 3 days this story has been making it to the front page of the newspaper!

    It is a family issue involving the Ahuja family. the maid, the cops and the judiciary. If anyone has to decide and comment it should be just them!! Suddenly everyone is talking abt what a philanderer Mr. Ahuja is and suddenly dead stories of his life from before are all coming up. He might be wrong (if found guilty!) abt the rape issue BUT there is no reason to dig up his present, past, family life!

    Same happened with the Sheetal case suddenly the media made it bigger than it was!

    And issues like an economy in recession, people losing jobs, stock market going up are issues to be found somewhere else in the paper! Of course they dont offer the same sensational value!

    ** Skip this part if you dont wish to read some positive news..

    By the way if any of you have missed a small mention in the paper here is some good news…It was mentioned somewhere in small print at a non-descript position in the paper!
    – The crude oil prices are back to 70/barrel which means that from over a 100 last year to plummeting down to below 30 earlier in the past year …They are on a upswing now. Why it is positive? Because it has a direct affect on our lives. The market is picking up a little. The stock market and the oil industry are connected in some ways and affect each other. This means a lot of people who have their life’s savings and hard earned money in financial instruments can finally think of holding on…The one downside is that we may have to pay a little more for petrol and diesel in the coming few months!

  17. How Weird…Exactly what I was thinking of today morning when I saw the newspapers…There is finally hope in some form besides in the form of the movie “Slumdog Millionaire”…Just too many depressing news and scandals nowdays!

    You forgot to mention a big downside that the ATF (Air traffic fuel) is also said to rise and the budget airlines will no longer be budget in the coming few months!

    On the case of Shiney- No comments.

  18. I like Shiney! He is just-so-talented. I loved all is movies! He has a right to a personal life and professional life. Lets not pass a judgement hastily for we never know abt life when we might be on the other side of the fence!

  19. A rape is a tresspass and invasion of another’s private territory
    and is a heinous crime.Newspapers reporting of the same is a sacred
    duty.It alerts others about the presence of a rapist in their midst and
    be careful themselves.But a rape has to be a rape,against the will of the
    victim.and she should be a minor otherwise where consent is irrelevant.
    In the present case it doesn’t appear to be a rape.The maid was a willing
    partner and perhaps a virgin, as the injuries would suggest.
    The delayed complaint,the maid’s departure from the scene without
    visible signs of agony,torture or outrage appear to indicate a belated attempt
    at making money.The police appear convinced of consent.They can chargesheet
    only if she is a minor.They are right in that
    If the two parties make up,forget and forgive the matter may be closed
    otherwise there will be painful repurcussions.
    Let us see how things develop’

  20. Suchitra

    After reading Pooja’s rejoinder to what you had to say I think you taking off on her is in very poor taste and you owe her an apology. From what i gather from her comment the two of you have been friends and her shock is understandable

  21. I am visiting your site after a long gap and happy to see the wide range of subjects you blogged

    double standards exist evrywhere-it human nature. In indian society it is perhaps more because our culture is hypocritical and more moralistic. Especially where sex is concerned

    keep blogging

  22. Pooja, i dont know what your so very much upset about. As far as i can see what suchitra has stated is a fact that everybody knows. It dosent seem like a personal attack-more an observation of society in general

    Passport chaser says”Me thinks none of us should really discuss and talk abt it or judge a person as victim or the harasser! The Media Madness is on a rampage…Its enough to give people the stories but for 3 days this story has been making it to the front page of the newspaper!

    It is a family issue involving the Ahuja family. the maid, the cops and the judiciary”

    But dear passport chaser. if not for the media these things would never be exposed. The rapist would probably bribe the cops and roam around scot free till he finds his next victim. Is that the society we want?

    ofcourse one must not pass judgement till proof but what happened is definitely wrong and things should be discussed -not hidden away

  23. “What surprises me however is Anupama’s reaction, which is where I do not agree with you. Though she may love her husband, she being his wife would be well aware of what he is in reality. Being a mother of a daughter herself she should have not gone public with support until there is evidence”

    Divya i agree with you. From what i have reading his wife or family has not even visited him once in prison or sent him food or clothes
    The wife seems to be only interested in getting publicity and her face in the papers

  24. Dear Suchitra,

    Kudos to you for being so forthright. I guess sometimes you might have a “foot in mouth syndrome”, however, who cares? Honesty is a rare trait to have these days. I guess in the “film world” in the eyes of just lay people like us, we do not realize the extent to which there is so much of hypocrisy. Well, there you are amongst amongst so many artificial brethren of the film industry to have the guts and say it like it is. Way to go!

  25. If Suchitra is depressed then Pooja is naive. She was “matured” enough to end relationship when Aditya knocked up the maid but was “unmatured” to let him screw her when he was a married man !

    I mean wow !

  26. Oh! nice to see here your name and knowing that you are a talented singer too is really something I enjoy. I had been trying to know you since I saw you in Kabhi Haa Kabhi Naa.

    Why have you left acting? Your fans miss you!

    Anyways all the best…

  27. He he he..Just Read Pooja Bedi’s Post! Man I like what she wrote…coz I AGREE WITH HER 100%. BOOOOO!!

  28. So MY comment will not appear on the site! Boo Again! Well…anyways..be happy girl! Life … none of us know when our time is over..why leave behind ties of bitterness.
    I used to like our songs..I used to think you are a chirpy sort..but almost always coming to your blog..find you judgemental, emotional and angry. Even when you are not judging someone negatively..you are always kind of peeling them apart..rather than seeing them whole!

    Anyways..God bless! Wish u happiness!

  29. now the semen samples have proved evrything.

    Poor Anupam Ahuja. How foolish she must be feeling.

  30. very nice of u suchitra to have apologised to pooja bedi for
    the unintended but misplaced remarks on her in your blog.
    As one who has known both of you personally.it is commendable
    act of honesty and good breeding that shows up in yyour
    apology.Look at the other girl’s prompt and affectionate
    response.I am greatly touched by that also.
    May your friendship be lasting and firm.

  31. MILLION DOLLOR POST!!!!! Suchitra mam, u have shown your true observation in your brave post. Meanwhile, i also saw Pooja Bedi shooting back on this post & you again saying sorry in another new blog post. But honestly, its nothing to do with Pooja Bedi but with Shiney & his dearest, sorry innocent wife. may be you might have taken a good example of Pooja to make your point valid, but i agree, its true whatever you told. Also, The reason pooja gave back are valid enough & i am pleased to know that you are also agree with her views. God bless your friendship. Your fan..Prasun..God bless….and yes! abt shiney, who cares!

  32. whats the current status of this scandal……..?as a lover of hindi movie we would like to knw the updates on this case?????

  33. Yes these kind of women are real fools

    1.Supporting the family/husband though they are lusty/greedy/immoral whatever their compulsions may be. They are selfish and they marry for convenience rather than for any feelings.They stay on inspite of pain and detachment in intimacy with the partner. Though they are outwardly supporting to the family,their family life is full of quarrel mostly due to their paronia and allegations towards their spouse.

    2. the other kind not concerned with the social limitations of partnership. they are happy being single so they fear having an affair with a single person as they may be forced to marry. So they find married people as easy targets or they may be disllusioned by the partner itself

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